Victim or Victor. Which Will You Become? Here is some wisdom from one of my favorites mentors. Jay Abraham.
This “musing” has only one purpose: to provoke you (in this moment) to
carefully reflect on your life, your career, your relationships, your
family, your purpose, your values – and your legacy.
I say all this because – events of late have caused me to deeply reflect
on an interesting dichotomy. Or is it a conundrum? Possibly it’s also an
What am I talking about?
You. Your success. Your happiness. Your value as a human being. I just
came back from three weeks of complexly emotional experiences. First, I
was in Mexico where I have a client that employs 17,000 people. That’s
correct – seventeen thousand people!
We’ve been working deeply on performance enhancement strategies for
something like 20 different areas of their business. One of the key
things that came out of these discussions is that YOU always have the
ability — in all of life to be either…the victim or the victor.
With the exception of “Acts-of-God,” which account for maybe 2% of
life’s occurrences – 98% of your life, career, marriage, financial
situation, family matters are ALL the result of…either things you DO or
things you don’t do. Seriously you can change the course of a life, a
relationship, a career – in a heartbeat (as Tony Robbins says). If you
truly want control, I believe that either you control your life or your
life controls you. Life is a wonderful thing. You have the opportunity
to do so many things, be so many things, achieve so many things,
influence so many things, contribute to so many things.
But many – far too many – people today take the position of being
victims. Victims of the economy. Victims of bad choices. Victims of bad
luck. Victims of bad upbringing. I say…so what!
All we have, really, is today-forward! What we do with it really IS what
determines who we are, what we are, what we achieve.
You can use this infinite opportunity to grow, add value, contribute to
people and the world OR you can suck the life and emotion…and passion
out of everyone you’re around.
My life has taught me many things. First: We are in absolute control of
our fates and destinies. In other words, I am NOT a fatalist. If you
don’t like your life, you really CAN change it – even today. If you
don’t like your body, you really can change it – with disciplined
exercise and diet. If you don’t like your relationship, you can change
it or end it – by taking meaningful corrective action.
But most people would prefer lamenting, hoping, dreaming, remorsing or
wishing rather than doing – “whatever it takes.” I’ve observed tens of
thousands of unhappy, unsuccessful people in business and outside it.
Guess what they almost ALL have in common? Nothing! Or more accurately,
they do nothing meaningful to change their situation, circumstances or
Buying a book you don’t read or don’t implement on isn’t something you
should be proud of. Attending a seminar you don’t follow through with
isn’t any great achievement. Paying a coach or consultant for guidance
you don’t use or follow isn’t something to be proud of, either.
My good friend, football legend Fran Tarkenton, said it best – when he
said each and every day you’ve got to wrestle the “bear” to the ground
and win out. The bear is your issues, problems, challenges, hopes and
When I first got married, one of my kids got sick. I had no money, no
insurance and I had no clue. Guess what? I worked three jobs to make the
money to pay the doctor/hospital bills. In 1971 I ballooned to 205
pounds (I’m 5’6-1/2″). Guess what? I went on a disciplined regimen of
exercise and nutrition and got down to a very fit 155. I’ve had bad
marriages – I either improved them or changed them.
I’ve been in careers that looked like dead ends, and I either changed
careers, reinvented myself or found new areas of opportunity within the
It was never-ever a “piece-of-cake.” It takes critical thinking,
courage, committed/continuous forward motion and action…then usually
course correction; because the first “knee jerk” things we do don’t
always produce the desired result we want.
Most people “fold” the first time they hit resistance, a setback or
non-success…in any aspect of their lives. Is it any wonder so few people
achieve much (or any) of the life’s pleasures, payoffs and the pursuits
they say they want?
What’s my point here?
It’s nothing self-serving, I assure you. I’m NOT trying to “set you up”
for an offer. Rather I’m attempting to “set-you-up” for a better life, a
richer relationship, a more enriching career. I’m trying to tell you all
that you have always had and wanted for yourself and family, you have
today – right now at this moment and you will have it equally available
throughout the rest of your life – total, absolute and magnificent
control of almost everything you want, crave and/or don’t want and wish
Whether you pro-act or react. Whether you initiate or contemplate.
Whether you feel victimized or “empowerized” is really…totally up to
There’s a relevant story I’d like to end on – it’s old but appropriate.
Two young Indian braves wanted to embarrass the wise medicine man in
their village. So they decided to take a small bird and hold it in their
hands behind their backs. Then they would ask the wise man whether the
bird was alive – or dead. Whichever he answered, they planned on
embarrassing the wise man. If he said it was alive – they’d break the
bird’s neck before they held it out.
So when the braves went to ask the wise man whether the bird being held
behind their backs was alive or dead, he simply replied “The answer lies
in YOUR hands.”
I conclude this “musing” with the same encouragement, admonishment and
hopeful wish — your fate, your happiness, your prosperity…your health
– it ALL lies in your hands.
I hope sincerely that you will make the absolute most of the rest of
your life. Because, my friend – you absolutely can and that’s all you’ve
Remember too – the process is what’s really exciting, fulfilling and